Although is it not something we enjoy feeling, embarrassment is an emotion we have all felt before. Whether its spilling a drink in a crowded room, or tripping over your own feet, even when no ones around, everyone has gotten that flustered, uneasy feeling called embarrassment. The causes of our blushing faces range from forgetfulness and stupidity to an awkward conversation, or even a compliment. But the real reason for all the embarrassment we experience is the idea that we are under a social microscope, believing that people are constantly watching us and judging our every move.
Our reactions to our embarrassing acts vary from correcting the problem to running and hiding. We may crack a joke to try and lighten the situation, or we might make an excuse, or even change the subject entirely. Although keeping ourselves from blushing is nearly impossible, others can help us to cope with our embarrassment, and make us feel a little more comfortable with the fact that you face planted up the stairs in the student union. There are many causes, and reactions to embarrassment, all of which I am sure we try to avoid.
There are many embarrassing situations that we NEVER want to find ourselves in (well most of us anyway)
· Be seen naked in a public place
· Accidentally mass messaging a private email
· Get caught masturbating
· Get stood up on your wedding day
The question is not IF these things happen to us, but WHAT we do after they occur. Embarrassment: “The acute state of flustered, awkward, abashed chagrin that follows events that increase the threat of unwanted evaluations from real or imagined audiences” (Miller, 1996). Embarrassment is something that really brings out someone’s character, how they handle it can really be a mirror as to who they are. Flashy, attention seeking people and prideful individuals are usually concerned about their image and what people think of them so when embarrassed they will usually lash out even resorting to physical violence in order to preserve their image. I have a friend who is a coward at heart but he HATES being embarrassed so will quickly resort to challenging others to physical confrontations when he gets into arguments or even when people disagree with him. I also have a friend who is very quiet but they too hate being embarrassed. So whenever it does happen (it rarely does) they will overreact and spaz out on the source of the embarrassment, so that the situation will not repeat itself. There are several different ways to handle embarrassing situations personally I do not feel like either of my friends handle being embarrassed well at all, the best way to handle embarrassment is to simply roll with it. Not that it's ok to be embarrassed but in real life embarrassing situations occur and when they do, it’s the people that can handle it calmly without alienating others that handle embarrassment the best.
When we have been embarrassed, we can turn to other people to help us reduce this feeling. Remediation is one way that can help when dealing with embarrassment. There has been countless times when an athlete or someone of celebrity status has said or done something in the presence of media that caused embarrassment for themselves or their organization. As a result, the person’s publicist or public relations team may issue a statement to the media to try and remediate or correct what was initially said.
Embarrassment can also be reduced through the use of humor. Generally, when we know that people are laughing with us and not at us, it makes embarrassing situations easier to deal with. After you pulled off the infamous face plant in the union, your friends could make things lighter on you by making you laugh about it…unless of course, you are so distraught and your face has already started to swell. Then I’m guessing that humor would probably backfire. If your friends are anything like mine, I’m sure you will hear about it and you will be reminded about your shining moment until something else more ridiculous happens.
Everyone attempts to use these (and other) mechanisms in hopes of helping someone cope with embarrassment. According to Petronio (Petronio,1984), men and women take different approaches to dealing with embarrassment. Women see excuses and apologies as more acceptable. Excuses allow for the denial of the action that created the embarrassment. Also, saying sorry and saying that it was unintentional is seen as a way to lessen the felling of embarrassment. Men on the other hand view justification as a more acceptable way of dealing with embarrassment. Giving a reason for their actions or trying to make what they are embarrassed about appear to be okay is a better route to take for men.
To eliminate something, one needs to look to its causes. For example, a weed in a sidewalk usually is causes by cracked cement. In order to eliminate the weed for good, the cement needs to be repaired. In most cases knowing the cause will allow an individual to eliminate that particular thing or in this discussion, emotion. So even while I try to explain the causes to you, what is the point as they will not eliminate embarrassment. While elimination of embarrassment is impossible as it is a natural reaction, reducing physical signs that you are embarrassed and working through the moment is easier and possible if you know that the emotion you are feeling is simply embarrassment.
Embarrassment is caused by “the crucial concern [of] the impression one makes on others in the present.” (Goffman, 1956) . With this information in mind, one can infer that the only way to eliminate embarrassment would be to not care at all about what other people think (not going to happen). A lot of what embarrasses us is the perception that everything we are doing is being minutely scrutinized and judged. If you feel nervous, realize that the people around you aren’t automatically picking up on the fact you are uncomfortable. If you stress out about being a little bit nervous, it will produce a snowball effect on your nerves where you become more and more embarrassed. The old “fake it ‘til you make it,” quote comes to mind when attempting to overcome embarrassment. Realizing it is natural, calming down, and acting confident is professional advice to rid oneself of embarrassing moments.
Works Cited
Goffman, E. (1956). Embarssment and Social Organization. Retrieved November 6, 2011, from Chicago Journals: http://www.jstor.org/stable/2772920?seq=2
Petronio, S. (1984). Communication strategies to reduce embarrassment differences between
men and women. The Western Journal of Speech Communication, 48, 28-38.
No comments:
Post a Comment